put on applause track, trip on stage
Now to begin the comedy routine, I am beginning the comedy routine, let's introduce ourself, give them a little name and occupation
"Hi, I'm Jake Lazovick andI i am a professional comedian"
alright good now let's do a little age/sex/location, hit em with the old a/s/l
"19, often and right here. and how's everyone doing?"
Any body see any great movies recently? Yeah, none, right, me neither. I just don't get why they keep making these things. I mean i understand, i know why, but i really just don't get it, i can't understand. My theory is everyone keeps supporting movies because they secretly hope they'll get one made about themselves one day. I sit there and i think, now i've seen Ray, I've seen Walk The Line and yeah I'm fine with it, Joaquin, Jaime, either one be fine by me. But who i really want to portray me would be Heath Ledger. I saw 10 Things I Hate About You and I thought pooh he's got the hair and the charisma. But you know i saw The Dark Knight recently and the joker was lousy, for him to be able to play a professional comedian, he'd have to be a little funnier. You know you don't see Heath Ledger in any movies anymore, i guess he's started to make those underground films now.
I was in Japan once...
I know what everyone is thinking everyone's wonder, what's up with the yellow jacket, so i want to talk about the yellow jacket. Okay, it was 2009 i was 15/never/potomac it was a rainy day and i was in the passenger seat of my mom's lexus suv. It was a real nice car, white exterior, beige leather seats, i mean that's what everyone wants to know right, what color was the outside and what color was the inside, well you know it still had a cassette tape deck even though it was made in 2006, had personal temperature control so i could change not just the rate of air flow but also the temperature the air flows. And of course had a navigation system so we could see how lost we were getting. Okay, so we're driving in this lexus. I had two friends in the backseat. my mom is driving, I'm in the passenger seat. and we are going to Chipotle. Now it is raining, or i should say rainy because there was actually no raindrops. and we park and we're walking inside the fast casual restaurant. And because of this rainy day me and my mom are wearing matching yellow rain jackets. I want to skip ahead for a moment.
So we order and I get a burrito and my Mom, now she gets a burrito bowl. I don't get this. I've never seen a Mom eat a burrito. I want to talk about my Mom for a second. She drinks coffee everyday. She goes to the same Dunkin Donoughts, it's at a gas station. And she pulls up and by the site of her white lexus suv they know it is her and she's in and out as if she just robbed a bank. You know they say America runs on Dunkin, but I've never seen my mom run in her life. I've never seen my mom run and I've never seen my mom eat a burrito. I've seen my mom cry before when she fell down the stairs, but i don't see why that's relevant.
Okay so we're in the parking lot and I notice we're wearing the same yellow jacket so i just start singing,
"Me and My mom got the same jacket, me and my Mom know how to rock it, yellow rain jacket no inside pockets, inner fleece lining, it's a classic" you know, i just start singing this to her, i sing "me and my mom got the same jacket, me and my mom know how to rock it, yellow rain jacket no inside pockets, inner fleece lining, it's a classic" and i've had this song stuck in my head for years, for years.
and i want to finally bring it to fruition, so it gives pleasure to welcome to the stage, to finally bring this song to its pinnacle moment and to start a new band with me, here is my mom!
mom doesn't come on stage, sits down, curls up and starts mumbling/crying, backs into bass drum. motivational speech to self, plays pre-recorded beat while singing the song and dancing. the tempo picks up in the beat, exits stage