Growing up in the 70’s, I became skilled at manipulation, and believed that a woman could survive life without a college degree. All I had to do was find, and marry, the “right” man, and I slipped into somewhat of a coma. The hand of reality slapped me in the face in 1989, when my 10 year marriage ended in divorce. It was not until March 6, 1993, did I come to believe that my life had a greater purpose, and I woke up and I came to. I first realized that no man was going to save me, and second that it was up to me to recover and live life on life’s terms. However, I had developed an unhealthy fear of both failure as well as success.

In 1996, I found career fulfillment as a Communication Professional, and began work as an Assistant to the Director of Development at a physical rehabilitation hospital. I discovered I had an aptitude for event planning, media relations, newsletter design, etc. However, after three years, I received devastating news that the hospital would begin layoffs, beginning with my position. My fears escalated as I continued to work at unfulfilling jobs for the next five years. I never quite measured up to the expectations of others. For example, I would try for an in-house promotion for a position within the communication department, but would be turned down because I lacked the required college degree. This resulted in low self-esteem and the inevitability of being fired.

Finally, in 2004, I had an epiphany. I went for an interview with the San Antonio Library as an assistant to their Director of Public Relations. During the pre-screening exam, I was asked to write a press release. I failed miserably, and suffered embarrassment and humility. I recognized at that moment that I had to return to college.

As a woman, I am a traditionally underrepresented group and I want my voice heard. And as a non-traditional student, returning to college was not easy. I had to completely reprogram my thinking from years of believing that on-the-job experience was worth more than a college degree. I thought I had learned it all but, in the words of as Michelangelo, “Ancora Imparo!” (“I am still learning!”)

The world deserves to know me and I will not settle for “comfortable.” When higher education came pounding on my door, I kicked it open and enthusiastically ran through. No longer do I fear failure or success. Fear almost paralyzed me when I turned 40, as I thought I should already have a more substantial portfolio, and instead of planning a full-time semester schedule, I should instead be planning for retirement. But I continue to learn.

In 2004, when I entered San Antonio College to begin my core curriculum, I took a deep breath, moved past my tremendous fear of failure, and am now half way into my Junior year at The University of Texas at San Antonio. I have continued to be self-supporting, and have worked part-time at companies that have enhanced my communication degree plan. I struggle at times, but have proudly maintained a minimum 3.0 GPA. And I continue to learn.

There is a Quaker saying, “let your life speak.” I thought surely this 40-something woman, recovering from many addictions, had no mental capacity to return full-time time college. But I want my life to speak, and to challenge myself to my fullest potential. Returning to college keeps me wise and gives me a broader acceptance, and tolerance, of my fellow humans I walk with on this earth, especially the youth.

Because of my return to college and becoming a Communication major, I am a better writer, a better speaker, a better communicator. And no longer do I have unhealthy fears, except for maybe accounting. I still laugh when I think back to Accounting 101 – when I asked, “What does the ‘T’ stand for?” when learning about T Accounts. There was a time in my life I did not think I would live to see 30, but God had other plans for me. I have a healthy marriage with my husband of nine years, and my quality of life has improved beyond wildest dreams and expectations.

No seré una mujer perfecta, but I am still learning.