Absurd Measure: An Autobiography
Rohelio Sanxhaku
Prologue: There has always been memories that people treasure deep into their minds, some of which stick into their minds so much that they decide to write them down on a piece of paper and even distribute them to millions of people in their country, continent, and even around the world. This collection of memories is what we call an Autobiography, which can be published as a book, movie, song, or even as an assignment for a school project. The author of this autobiography will now tell you the story of how he became the unusual yet lovable young man that he is today, and this is how it goes…
My Story: My name is Rohelio Theodore Sanxhaku, although nowadays I prefer to be called Ronan Sanxhaku, thank you very much. I came into the world on August 29, 2003, in a hospital located in the east side of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. My mother, an Albanian woman by the name of Oli Kundraxhi, was probably the first human being that I ever saw, although it would’ve most likely been the nurse that pulled me out of the big hole that my mom had called the womb. My mother always tells me that I was a very sweet and adorable baby when I first came out of her womb, and she put me in a basket-like bed known as a crib for the time being. I went out of the hospital later that day with my mom and three other human people; a strong man named Niko Sanxhaku who became my father, a young girl named Tanya who became my sister, and an old lady named Flutur Sanxhaku, who became my grandmother. At that time, we lived in a multi-family house located on a road known as Pharmacy Avenue, and I was later told that our house was numbered 44, a number that I didn’t quite understand yet since I couldn’t count that high when I was very young. Anyways, we lived in that house for almost a year until we moved to a new house in the small but eco-friendly neighbourhood of Guildwood in July of 2004. I wasn’t yet one year old and I already felt like I was in a much different environment when we moved into our new house in Guildwood. We lived in Guildwood for about 15 years, and during that time, I’ve had many experiences, adventures, and interests that seem countless if you try to list them all in one subject. Some of these experiences that I went through include watching TV for the very first time at the age of one, going on an airplane for the first time at the age of two, visiting Albania various times in both 2006 and 2011, going to a speech pathologist due to me being speechless at the age of two-and-a-half, playing with little toy cars, reading various books such as The Railway Series and Green Eggs and Ham, and using the computer for the very first time at the age of four. On my third birthday in 2006, I got my very own toy car that I used to drive all the time as a kid; through the neighbourhood, through the streets, and even down various hills at certain parks (which I always found to be exciting and epic). Even today, I always have fond memories of riding my very own miniature car throughout Guildwood. I also really liked watching moving pictures on a computer system that we all know as the Internet. When I was four years old, I discovered these little “videos” on a website called YouTube, and watching loads of them as a kid pretty much impacted my life since then, as I have gained a passion for filmmaking and wanting to tell a story using moving pictures as a way of doing that. As I grew up bigger and stronger, I started to see more of the struggles that people go through in life, such as death, anxiety, stress, abuse, bullying, terrorist attacks, mass shootings, natural disasters, and much, much more. I, for example, saw bullying as arguably the greatest crime against humanity, and I often pretended that such a topic like that never existed in order to make myself a lot happier and safer. Also, I grew up watching the news as a kid, as a result of me discovering them on a local cable channel known as CP24, and I have become hooked on watching these real-life stories unfold on television ever since. When I was four years old, I attended kindergarten for the first time at St. Ursula’s Catholic School in Guildwood. I studied at St. Ursula’s Catholic School for 10 years before graduating from there in the summer of 2017. That fall, I started attending Blessed Cardinal Newman Catholic High School (now known as St. John Henry Newman Catholic High School) near the Scarborough Bluffs, where I studied for four years. The first year of high school came and went like a blur, but it was still a fine school year overall. However, once the school year ended in June 2018, I started to become paralyzed with negative thoughts, anxiety, stress, and tensity over various issues that I found to be way too much for me such as bullying, discrimination, prejudice, cruel jokes, humiliation, evil deeds and doings, and especially what happened to Jesus Christ on the day of his crucifixion and death according to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke (A.K.A, the Synoptic Gospels). This situation got so bad to the point that I was sent to the Hospital for Sick Children, where I stayed for five whole days while the doctors and nurses were checking on my brain to see what was the matter with it (and me as well). Eventually, when I got out of the hospital, I was given a very special teddy bear that could help and comfort me whenever I had stressful moments like that ever again. The next two years at my high school went by very well, until a disastrous event known as the COVID-19 pandemic spread throughout the world, and it was like a gigantic tsunami washing away all human life on earth. All the publicly funded schools in Ontario and Canada closed as a result of the pandemic, and I was left at home with my family while we waited for the inevitable “end” of the pandemic. During that time, I stayed at home doing my schoolwork as well as constantly relaxing and staying up late whenever I had nothing else to do. My final year of high school was entirely online, and during that time, I became increasingly devoted to the Roman Catholic religion through my Grade 12 Religion class, as I thought it was very accepting of people from all walks of life, even though they did have some strict rules that all Catholics were obliged to follow, such as fasting and abstaining from meat during the season of Lent and observing the laws of the church concerning the topic of marriage. Once I graduated from high school in June 2021, I began to get ready for college by registering for one of their programs, known as Art and Design Fundamentals, at a college known simply as Centennial College, and I was immediately accepted into the program as it was somewhat of a beginner program for those who wanted to enter the arts industry. The program began in September of that same year, and I went there as soon as it began in said September. I did very well in the program, making various drawings, paintings, collages, and even videos that I am still proud of to this day. The program ended in April 2022, and between that time and September 2022, I rewarded myself from all that hard work by resting, relaxing, and playing on my iPhone 24/7. Eventually, in August, I signed up for the Communications and Media Fundamentals program that was going to start in September, and I eventually grew out of relaxing and playing all the time at home and instead got ready for the first day at my new college program, which I eventually went to on September 6, 2022, where I remain there today.
Conclusion: Although most people tend to look back fondly on their childhoods and reminisce about all the good times that they had as kids and teenagers, I honestly think that my childhood was, and I’ll use the metaphorical term here, utter nonsense. The reason why I say this is because my childhood, in retrospect, was a total psychedelic descent into madness. Some examples: not being able to talk until you’re a five-year-old, using the computer for the very first time as a four-year-old, reading a big, picture-less Holy Bible for the first time as a four-and-a-half-year-old, having bad thoughts about bullying, humiliation, and a historic event that took place less than 2,000 years ago that might’ve never had a scene that I wished never existed at all, and to top it all off, moving into various houses and apartments during an entire 15-year-gap-period. If that isn’t crazy and absurd enough, then I don’t know what is! Anyways, this concludes the story of an absurdly yet relatable young man who saw the world in a different light and will continue to do that until his inevitable death in lord-knows-how-many years from now. Farewell, and thank you for reading!
R.S.
An autobiography about the life of yours truly.
