As the winds swept from the east to the west Roeter woke up feeling empty and lonely. To snap from himself from the purgatory that lies between dreams and consciousness he twisted himself around in the bed.   Left to right. Right to left…

 

He froze suddenly. Roeter had gotten stuck again. He frantically waved his stubby arms in the air creating invisible whirlpools. His little feet shook and kicked as he tried desperately to dislodge himself. He twisted and twisted and finally, with one great big lurch he was able to free himself by breaking only a few quills.

 

What a day already! He thought exasperatedly. Roeter was a porcupine, but not just any porcupine, he was the only porcupine. A lonely, lonely, lonely porcupine. Although, at this moment the emptiness he felt was more of a hunger than a lack of fulfillment.

 

The Death of Love in the Dusty ValleyRoeter walked into the kitchen ready to acquiesce to the hunger. He poured a large bowl of dehydrated cockroaches. Roeter was not sure if porcupines ate cockroaches, but since he was the last one did it really matter?

 

Roeter ate and sighed. He sighed and ate. He tried reading the paper but it only depressed him further. Something about a guy named Bambi who shot his friend, a rabbit named Thumper, because he would not stop tapping his feet. It started out as a drunken argument. Apparently, the alleged shooter had been turned down by some girl deer who he had wanted to get twitterpated with. Thumper was apparently trying to cheer Bambi up with a song and dance but Bambi had been in no mood for any cheer. He asked the rabbit to stop, but the rabbit quote, "Insisted he [Bambi], 'Turn that frown upside down!'" Their argument became particularly heated in the hunting lodge that they were at, disturbing other hunters. In a drunken rage, Bambi pulled down a display gun from the wall and shot the rabbit first through all four rabbit feet and then right in his cute, quivering, glistening, little rabbit nose. BLAM! Right through the head! Thumper's head was left looking like a donut with rabbit ears.

 

Bambi did not stop there. He shot the rabbit until he was sliced and diced and ready to be thrown into a pot of rabbit stew. When asked why Bambi shot the rabbit so many times his only reply was, "Anything worth doing, is worth doing right. And you can take that to the bank, kids."

In the newspaper, there was a picture of Bambi being hauled off to jail which made Roeter smile a bit because can you imagine how funny it is to watch a deer try to walk all hoove-cuffed together? Roeter read the rest of article and felt a twinge of sympathy for the deer when he read that Bambi's mom had been shot in front of Bambi when he was a kid. Maybe that is what led to his instability. Maybe he was just lonely. Roeter could empathize with that.

Roeter washed out his bowl and went off to brush his teeth. He had to hurry on to work. Roeter worked as a pincushion for the local seamstress, Mary Elizabeth Angela Queenie Kissinger. Business was often slow since no one in the forest, except Mary Elizabeth Angela Queenie, wore clothes. She really tried to get a fashion trend started but it just wasn't catching on since no one saw the need to cover their bodies, nor did they have the money to buy clothes since it was a forest and the animals really had not constructed an economy yet. So the hours were long and the pay was nothing but Roeter liked the company.

He rushed out the door of his little hole in the oak and ran all the way to work, which was only on the other side of the tree. His little feet scurried around the base of the tree and swung into Mary Elizabeth Angela Queenie Kissinger's shop.

 

"Hi!" he squeaked out of breath.  

 

She smiled and looked at the clock, "Right on time, as usual. Come on over here, I need a larger needle for the embroidery."

 

Roeter sat down obediently and asked her what she was working on today. Mary Elizabeth's eyes lit up at the question. She began to speak rapidly, "Oh Roeter! I am so glad you asked. I wanted to keep it a surprise but you know how I am!!!"  Mary Elizabeth continued, "The wolf!! That friendly wolf who lives over there in that cave by the creek. You know, he never really hangs out but he seemed so pleasant today. Not much of a talker but very polite. I must say however, he is quite a unique individual. His order was kind of strange. He wants a full length, long-sleeved red nightgown with matching nightcap. I think it to be very strange but he is paying so well! And it is our first real job! Besides, who am I to judge? But between me and you, Roeter, I think he may be gay."

Mary Elizabeth gave an embarrassed little chuckle with her last remark and Roeter found it so adorable he laughed too.

"Well," she said, "we must get started. Since you are my only employee I must consult you on the fabric."

Mary Elizabeth had been chattering and running around the shop so quickly she had hardly taken notice of Roeter. For the first time that morning she really looked at him, and noticed that he did not quite look right.

"Roeter, are you all right? You look about as blue as a lonely woolen blue sock."

"And I feel that way, too," Roeter kind of grumbled and then looked out the window longingly. Longing for what he was not sure, but it was something more than sewing for a wolf who wanted to dress up like an old lady.

Mary Elizabeth put the cloth down for a moment and approached Roeter. "You wanna talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about?" snapped Roeter. "I awake alone. I sleep alone. I eat alone. I work alone!"

Mary Elizabeth was taken aback, "You do not work alone," she mumbled through the hurt in her voice.

"Oh, I am sorry M.E. I just see Gracie Goose with Greg Gander and Dew and Dewie the doe and deer and Sheldon the duck with Katie Rabbit, who are a strange pair, but at least they have each other to be strange with. I am strange alone. All  alone. I look in the mirror every day and all I ever see is the reflection of me. Well, sometimes I don't even see that because there is fog all over the mirror from the shower. But if there is not fog it is just me and my lonely porcupine scenery. The miserable couch, the all purpose cooking pot. That is it! I don't even have a family. Hell! I don't even know what a porcupine is!"

"You could always kill yourself."

"WHAT?!"

"Oh nothing, dearest,” Mary Elizabeth nonchalantly replied.

Roeter narrowed his eyes in suspicion at Mary Elizabeth, "Right," he said. "Let's just work."

The rest of the day was long. They tried red material after red material. Mr. Wolf's demands had been difficult. He wanted something that was more Helen Mirren with not a hint of Sophia Loren. He was going for sexy sophisticated older woman, not slutty old lady. They tried sheen, sheer, sequin, silky, satiny, smooth, soft, yet all the sexy material just seemed too slutty. As they sifted through red materials the sun began to dance lazily on the horizon, sinking slowly and seductively like a porn star. Exhausted and buried in red materials Mary Elizabeth finally told Roeter to go home. She would work all night and find the just right material for Mr. Wolf.

The next morning Roeter awoke to find himself all alone. As the alarm clock rang out, Roeter opened his eyes to pink and black shadows waving in the wind.  Roeter got up and took a shower.  When he got out he saw the image that often brought tears to his eyes.  Just steam and a lonely creature reflected in a mirror.

He looked into the mirror with large sad eyes. His eyes and soul filled with tears. Who was he and where was he? Where was his other half? Was there another half?

Roeter finished the morning routine and went to work. "Mary Elizabeth?" he called as he opened the door.

She darted out from a pile of red material, "ROETER!!! I did it! I did it! I found it! It is perfect! It is wonderful! It is beautiful, and did I say perfect? Did I tell that it is wonderful? Wonderful! Wonderful! WONDERFUL! I tell ya'," then she let out a cackle that scared him. Mary Elizabeth's eyes were cracked out red, which matched the material she was holding. There was white powder on her nose. Roeter was not sure what was going on, or if he was comfortable with it.

"M.E., are you okay?" he asked.

"Okay? Okay! I am better than okay! I did it! I did it! Look at this material! Have you seen a better material? No! Neeeeveeerrrrr! That is right, bitch! You have not. You have NOT!!! You love my material. You want to be the material. You are jealous of the material! You worship the material!!"

Roeter started to back up slowly. He thought it might be wise to take the day off. He was feeling down and who knew what Mary Elizabeth was feeling.

"M.E., I am going to take the day off. Is that cool? I know that…"

Mary Elizabeth cut him off, "'Is that cool?' I will tell you what cool is, the Arctic Circle and that M.E. sounds like Emmy. I could have two names. Wait. I have more than two names. How many names do I have? Wait. What is my name? Nooo. What is a name? That is the true question? What is name? Have you ever wondered that? What is a name?"

Mary Elizabeth looked at him with big, glazed over, red eyes that were lit with the same nefarious energy as that of a college frat party.  It scared Roeter!

"Uh… I am going. See you tomorrow," he turned and ran out the door.

It turned out to be a wise decision as Mr. Wolf came later that day and apparently felt the material was a little too “Sophia Loren”…so he ate Mary Elizabeth. Before anyone noticed what had happened, the wolf threw together his own little costume and quickly came to look like an elderly female human.

Roeter had nothing now. No job, no love. He quickly packed his bags. He thought that a change of scenery may help him out. He wanted to leave before anyone came to check on him in regards to Mary Elizabeth's death. He threw his pictures of his forest friends, his alarm clock, the shower curtain, the all-purpose cooking pot, a can of enchilada sauce, and a bag of chips to eat in a suitcase.

And then he ran. And he ran and ran and ran until the sun became the moon and the moon the sun. Until stars became clouds and dew drops, and dew drops and clouds became the stars again. The trees eventually gave way to prairie and prairie to sand, sun, and scruff. When there was nothing but a horizon left, Roeter finally stopped. He looked at the blue sky in contrast with the white sand, both laid flat and infinite against each other like eternal lovers. Ragged, rugged, unreachable mountains crowned the land. Roeter had never seen anything like it. He never knew that there was such beauty in emptiness.

Roeter touched the sand. He picked it up and it sifted through his hand. It was so soft it felt like nothing, even air could not compare to the emptiness of the sand. It was a lonely world. Roeter knew Roeter was home.

Roeter threw all his stuff down and threw his arms up. "Hhhhhoooommmeeeeee!!!" he screamed. He screamed to the sun and the clouds and the sand and everything else that could not hear. He was alone and alone was all he was to be.

Roeter set up his new home made of a shower curtain and emptiness and started his life under the vast desert sky. Things became so normal he could no longer tell day from night.

One day, many days into his new life, Roeter was wandering somewhere between here and there when something he had never seen before caught his eye. He had never ventured this way before, and it was because of this direction his new life was about to be shattered.

Standing at a great distance was someone or something. Someone or something spiky and covered in quills. Was this another Roeter? Could it really be another porcupine? Roeter was so excited just by the thought of it. Roeter began jumping and hooting and hollering and waving frantically. Could this other one see him?

Roeter ran towards the other being. The other being was not moving. The other being was not calling back. He ran closer and closer.

The shadowy character began to develop. It was stovepipe straight and seemed to have a sickly tint to its flesh. But Roeter did not care. Upon laying his jaded brown eyes upon this curveless and spiny creature he knew, again, he wanted love.  He wanted to feel and he wanted his feelings felt.

Roeter's little feet kicked up the dirt as his speed increased. His feet moved so fast that they became uncontrollable. Roeter was so close… and then he tripped up! His tiny feet caught themselves and he flew forward towards his newly found potential love. He sailed into what he thought he had been waiting for his whole life.

 

Roeter was wrong though, unless his soul mate was an immature cactus. Roeter's fall was stopped by needles which were now broken off and stuck in his nose, cheeks, chest, and right eye. Sometimes we will never understand why our love breaks apart and leaves us with cold, detrimental wounds. It is just the way of the world, even when the world is a hot, blazing desert. This was poor Roeter's fate. Innocent Roeter punished by needles which penetrated so deeply that they passed through his body and shredded his soul.

Screaming, Roeter was able to pick himself from the blood-soaked sands. With his left eye, he looked at his bleeding shadow and screamed again and again. It was not just the physical hurt that found a vocal escape, but the heart-wrenching, soul-shredding, mind-breaking pain of losing all hope.

Roeter laid next to the cactus for days. Roeter's lust to live seeped from his body like the blood from his wounds. Roeter never cared nor acknowledged when gangrene began to set in. The wounds finally became cold and numb.  His heart had longed to feel this way for so long.

When the redness began to take his body over, he understood it. His visions of love and then of hate had been that hue long before his body was.
 
Then there was the odor. The stench of life, the stench of love, the stench of disappointment, heartbreak, and loss. It only reminded Roeter that Death was his best friend and he was finally climbing the hill to Death's home.
 

Then the blackness came. The blackness of the wounds and life spun together in a whirlpool.  Roeter fell into the pool and never fought the current. He let himself go, knowing that the darkness knew where to take him.

The desert heat was actually what finally got him. It blew across his fur and skin slowly eroding his tough exterior. Then Roeter's flesh and bones laid open in the white-hot sun, the blue rains, and silver winds. He went from skin to bones and from bones to a billion particles that floated into the vast sky and covered the Earth.

 

Now when we feel love take our breath away, we can feel the small pricks of Roeter's quills in our souls filling the spaces where our breath once remained, reminding us how lucky we are to feel the pain of love.