ESSENCE of being// Queer project by katarina kadijević

Under the word “queer” I imagine ultimate freedom of identity.

For me queer is that body/mind/soul isn’t determine by the biological structure of our body - our genitals. For me queer also means dialog between the masculine and feminine part in myself - acceptation of both sides, go deeper into them and discover the substance.

I chose three of my friends and I decided to be with them for one whole day and follow them as a ghost in their ordinary lives. In some part we were talking about their identity, how they feel and some pieces are below transcribed as the extracts from each of them. For me was important to capture them in their real lives without the construction of boarders, masks as a protection against the society. I wanted to capture their naked soul in sensation they felt that day. Each of them defines themselves differently, each of them is an individual living organism in fluidity of mass of people. 

Excerpts from interviews

ZEYNAB

The more we are looking for, the more I feel it is less sensational - what I am. My only identity is probably what I feel, because it's the only real thing for me. Because I know that a lot of thoughts I have are thoughts that are in some way outlined (from surrounding). And I can have opinions about a lot of things just because I heard them somewhere, but I didn’t construct them by my own. Being a queer for me means doing what you feel and nothing else actually.

I do not like the fact that today many people perceive queer as a label. Because it's another box against which queer is actually supposed to fight.

ALBERT

Growing up as a queer in a small village wasn’t always the easiest way to live. It took quite a while to develop a positive and beautiful relationship with myself. The hardest part of the process was to understand i can’t seek self love trough other people. I fought very hard with the perception of solitude and it’s benefits. I understood i’m not connected to anyone by biology, and that family is not just the definition of those who gave birth to me. I do wear make-up, leather, rough materials and iron accessories, because of the feeling of safety that comes from them. I like the possibility to have different personalities, as it was always hard for me, to keep only one. In my genderless, illusional world, We are constantly changing, evolving.. because every minute can be a source of creation.

MAREK (Smokee - drag chatacter)

I'm normally no-gender person, but I have such days when I feel more like a man or more like a woman - among them I am migrating somehow. I had a period when I was still a woman. Actually, just before I came to the New Aliens Agency I was putting make-up on myself everyday. And because I came to the New Aliens Agency and found that my drag is desirable that people like it, so I started to do more drag and thanks to that I found out that I do not need to put make-up on every day - that it’s not so important for me be that beautiful girl every day. I still perceive myself as a no-gender person, but I started to feel myself more as a man. Although I still have a lot of ladies clothes at home, and I usually wear it out, but it's not like "I'm going to get dressed, put my make up on and wear ladies boots" - no, normally I will leave my legs unshaved, I'll take the ladies boots, I'll have my furry armpit and I'll take my dress and without make-up. And that's what my normal life is about - I'm rather shocking people now that I'm actually a man dressed in women’s clothes. I enjoy the point of being a man in women’s dress. And then I have a day when I decide to be a normal person - either a woman or a man. But it's more in the days when I do not want to show up so, when I have internal struggle or something.