This was made during an exercise I decided to do where I would draw every day for two weeks, focusing on different types of love. I really wanted to go for something more conceptual for this piece, centering around the greek word philautia, self love. It’s probably no secret that I have pretty low self-esteem in many regards, especially in my artwork, so I guess that was something I wanted to tackle in this piece. I have a lot hang ups concerning my culture, my body, my sexuality, and confidence in my skills as an artist. There are some parts that I feel like I’ve accepted but at the same time, I wonder if I just ignore them and pretend it isn’t a part of me so people will find me likable.  So I guess those are things that I need to learn to love and embrace so I can move past that.

 I wanted the figure to wear really western clothes with a dupatta and bangles to reference my cultural divide. The mirror is a pretty on the nose symbol for self reflection but I also added it in there to reference my issues with how I look. I never did like my face that much and since I’m Bengali, I have hair on my arms that is darker than my skin tone (I was called a gorilla by my classmates when I was younger). While it’s not a lot, it’s something I’ve always been pretty sensitive about. I tend to omit that detail whenever I draw self portraits and even today, I was hesitant to even mention it. It doesn’t show up too well here since this is a water color illustration, but that’s what those dark patches on my arm are for. 

For the flowers, I wanted symbols of happiness, pride, beauty, reflection, learning to take care of oneself, and hoping for better things to come. So I added Lily of the Valley, a sunflower, a tiger lily bud, orchids, pansies, an azalea, and an apple blossom respectively. 

 

Originally posted on my blog: https://njamil21.tumblr.com/post/182752946074/you-yourself-as-much-as-anybody-in-the-entire